Z0MG THIS IS YAMINOMALEX REPORTING FOR JNC
THE SPACE SHUTTLE INTREPID IS SET TO LIFT OFF SHORTLY. IN THE MEANTIME, THE NEWS TEAM HERE AT JNC WILL ENTERTAIN YOU WITH SOME NEWS. BOOBS! YIPEEEEEEE!
DICKINSON SUED OMAROSA M. STALLWORTH IN A DEFAMATION LAWSUIT THE OTHERDAY ON JUDGE JOE BROWN. THE CASE WAS
SETTLED AND STALLWORTH OWED DICKINSON $10,003.77, ENOUGH TO COVER DICKINSON’S,OH HELL JANICE’S NEXT “COSMETIC†SURGERY. IN OUR OPINION, JANICE SHOULD SIMPLY WEAR A MASK OR SOME BAG OVER THAT MESSY MUG AND CALL IT A DAY,DA BITCH. SHAME SHAME SHAME
THE WORLD’S “FIRST†SUPERMODEL (whatever) HAS (had) BRAGGING RIGHTS BECAUSE AFTER ALL, HE IS STILL A SUPERMODEL! LOWL!-ACTRESS BAI-LING, SUPERMODEL KIM ALEXIS, AND NEVER-SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN YOKO “OH-NO!†WENT ON A CONCERT TOUR TO ONE OF THE “-STAN†COUNTRIES IN ASIA. THEY SUCKED SO BAD THAT EVEN HE “-STANians†THREW WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AT THEM! ALL THREE VOCAL TRAINWERCKS MADE IT OUT ALIVE.
GRETCHEN BONADUCE, WIFE OF B-LIST CELEBRITY DANNY BONADUCE (OF “PARTRIDGE FAMILY†FAME, AND THAT’S BASICALLY IT…) WAS SENT TO CEDAR-SINAI HOSPITAL EARLY THIS MORNING BY THE THERAPIST, DR. GARRY. SHE WAS MUTILATED WITH SCAR AND STAB WOUNDS BY HER S.O.B., DIPOLAR, JUICED-UP, WASHED-UP, PATHETIC, OVER-BEARING, ALCOHOLIC
HUSBAND. “AFTER ALL I HAVE DONE FOR HER, AND THAT DUMB BITCHWANTS TO LEAVE ME FOR DAVID CASSIDY?!†SAID THE DIRTY
MUDDDAFOCKER. WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO IS SUE HIS ASS FOR
SOME MONEY ‘CAUSE SHE IS TOO CUTE AND TO WARM-HEARTED
TO PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT!
DANIEL BUNJUMP.’S SENTENCING FOR BEING A PAIN IN THE ASSWILL BE ANNOUNCED SOON; PROBABLY NEXT WEEK OR SOMETHING-OR-IN GOVERNMENTAL NEWS, PRESIDENT BUSH WAS SHOT
IN THE LEG AT 3:04 AM THIS MORNING DURING A PROTEST. PROTESTERS INCLUDED COLIN POWELL, CONDIE RICE (YEP, CONDIE! NO SHIT SHERLOCK!), 3-6-MAFIA, LIL’ JOHN, CAREY HART, PINK, VIVICA FOX, AND MANY OTHER CELEBRITIES. HE MADE A RACIAL SLUR SOME WHERE IN THE TUNE OF, “MA! CHENEY! LAURIE! GET THOSE DIRTY FUCKERS OF MY LAWN!†THE RIOT STARTED AND CAREY HART MADE THE FIRST GUNFIRE. THE SENATE, NOW HEADED BY OPRAH, ISSUED THE PROTESTERS BRAND NEW AND FREE B.M.Ws.
ALSO,BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS.
STAY TUNED TO JNC, YOUR TRUSTY NEWS LEADER!
