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Speaking Your Own Slanguage
08/25/2005 06:16PM
My family and friends and I tend to have our own language. I'm not sure how that happened, but I was asked a few times this week "what did you mean?" so here's a sampler from the Brit-tionary.
craptacular: (adj) Something that is remarkable for its inferiority.
soybomb: (n) Someone who foolishly intrudes on a performance (or an intense, private conversation)--ineffectively, but memorably nonetheless. Source: In 1998, some white git launched himself onto the stage during Bob Dylan's performance for the Grammays. What he was about isn't clear: he was just some shirtless dancing dude with "Soy Bomb" written across his bare chest.
A Dave or Sammy fight: (n) Pointless argument about two approximately equivalent annoying things.
me me me: (n, adj) When it's all about you (a catch-up e-mail to your friends after an absence; self-involvement is thus forgiven). Also: selfish, thoughtless behavior. Also: a side project musical group formed by Blur's Alex James.
dehermitize: (v) When a person comes out of self-imposed isolation and engages in social activities.
deja-poo: (n) Sudden realization that you’ve heard / experienced all this crap before.
poodoo doll: (n) A souvenir I bought in New Orleans that looks exactly like a poo in a casket. Stick Mr Hankey with pins, your enemies get constipation. Or something.
grampage: (n) When a senior citizen starts beating / raping / killing people. Example: James Brown, Robert Blake.
halfwitticism: (n) That knock-knock joke wasn't funny the first eight times you told it.
glip: (n) The squeak noise made in poorly ripped MP3s.
D O H A B: (n) Dropped On Head At Birth. Probably lifted from a Power Station documentary, after a comment made by drummer Tony Thompson.
glitterpunk: (n) "Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fooool..." It's hard to be both Sid Vicious AND Marc Bolan. But some try.
Gothism: (n) A belief, made especially popular in the late 20th century, that openness when dealing with depression contributes something valuable to the public.
halford: (v) The ability to hide one’s obvious homosexuality. Obviously, can only be used after someone finally outs themselves.
hootie: (n) A bland person with horrible musical taste.
infuritainment: (n) Anything that has entertainment value based solely on its most annoying qualities. See: game shows, reality shows.
Jerrytown: (n) A collection of Deadheads who don't have anything to do anymore but show up and hang in parking lots at other crappy band's concerts.
Jimmy Hoffa Conversion: (n) Technical term for a situation where something you have relied upon suddenly and magically vanishes without a trace.
King Fecalis: (prop. n) Because he is the opposite of King Midas, everything King Fecalis touches turns to feces. If he is in a band, he is not permitted by other band members to tamper with the mix. Do not allow King Fecalis to make plans for a social outing. You will be hit by lightning or attacked by rabid wombats.
limpbizkorn: (collective n) A generic term for testosterone-poisoned crappy rock bands.
britneys: (n) Synthetically enhanced breasts. Source: obvious. Vaguely related to Cockney rhyming slang "bristols" (titties), from "Bristol cities".
buckwheating: (v) Inability to enunciate properly. Also: fargling, from the Weird Al video that made fun of Nirvana's "Smells Like teen Spirit" where Yankovick actually put marbles in his mouth.
"But...(pause)...it goes to eleven.": (phrase) An all-purpose evasive non-answer when you are stumped by some simple technical question. From Spinal Tap.
bukowski: (n) Someone who is belligerent and drunk. Can be used, if judiciously, as an adjective.
Captain Obvious: (prop n) The person who always points out the things we already know. Often hangs with Agent 21.
Agent 21: (prop. n) The member of your group of friends who just turned 21. Usually forced to go buy alcohol when the group runs out. Usually done for revenge for all the times you bought booze for them when they were under 21.
caraoke: (n) The practice of singing along to the radio while driving.
carmony: (v) Two or more people singing together inside a vehicle.
chimneyfish: (n) One who smokes a lot and drinks a lot, often at the same time.
pocket dragon: (n) A cigarette lighter.
crappy coaster: (1) (n) What a CD is called when there is an error burning data/writing to it. (2) (n) A CD by a band that sucks. See also: any unsolicited AOL software that arrives at your domicile.
bollix: (v) Obviously derived from the British "bollocks", but here it's used as a verb. Use: You really bollixed that up.
copacetic: (adj) When everything is finer than fine.
couchsurfer: (n) Homeless or under-employed musician who lives for a few days/weeks on one friend’s couch then moves on to others. See: Chumbawumba song of the same title.
ambinoxious: (adj) The ability to tick people off left and right.
ambisexual: (adj) Of undetermined sexual orientation. Examples: early David Bowie, Placebo's Brian Molko.
arsefication: (v) Making a mess of a job or the act of saying something stupid.
artattack: (n) The act of feeling an overwhelming desire to create art.
woo girls: (n) Those annoying drunk chicks, usually bro hos, who shriek "WOO!" at concerts. It has its own hand sign, the reverse rock fist. (Fold your thumb and pinkie down.)
Barkie Bag: (n) Leftovers (“doggy bagâ€) that you bring home from a restaurant for your pooch or for your musician roommate. See also: roach.
