There you go again, thinking everything is about you, like what's happened to you is so much worse then what's happened to me or anyone else.
I've lost more then you know. I've lost my best friend, I've lost someone who was closer to me then my own mom. Those were just from natural causes. No, I've lost alot more then just them.
Tears are tears, whether you want to think of them differently or not. Get over them. You say you don't cry easily, and yet you tear up each time you even try to talk about her? No, that's not "I don't cry easily" that's almost crying EACH TIME.