OK guys, I've been questing the internet, and nothing seems to be able to provide the answer to this question of mine.
Many moons have I navigated through the myspace mist, the somethingawful swamplands, the treacherous tubgirl basin, all to no avail.
With caution and courage have I defended myself against spammers, n00bs, trolls, tonic, and other hideous malformed creatures that lurk in the darkest regions of cyberspace.
Please fwelz, you must enlighten me with your enternal wisdom.
...how do I pwn Internet?